Un-Fucking-Believable
One thing I didn’t write in my blog last week was the HUGE fight that I had with Mel, because she, yet again, thought it her place to come into my room and demand to know if I was interested in anyone else. I refused to answer because it’s none of her business, so she proceeded to act like a complete an utter wretch by accusing me of lying to her the whole time we were together, never loving her, AND…here’s the kicker…that *I* am screwing her over, financially, because I won’t help her pay off the debt that she accumulated in the last two years.
Let me be clear: I have paid off nearly $2500 of debt for her since she lost her job...and I did so happily. Some of it was mutual debt, some of it was hers that she had just recently accumulated since losing her job, and some of it was stuff that she’s had since years before we ever met. She also stays in my apartment. She pays no rent. She pays no utilities. She watches cable TV that I keep for her since I could easily go without it. She uses my computer, my DSL, my phone, etc. The only thing she has to help out with is the groceries.
In turn, I have semi-guaranteed access to her car on Monday…and any other time I need it when she doesn’t. I pay for the majority of the gas.
When she was finished making a fool of herself, I read her the riot act and told her that she had just spat in the face of the most generous and caring person she’s ever had in her life. She came to her senses and apologized.
That was LAST Wednesday. Fast forward to yesterday.
It was time to do some grocery shopping. Not big grocery shopping, but we needed perishables. She asked me to write her a list by noon. I did so and left my bank card for her since it was my turn to pay.
Can you see where this is going yet?
She didn’t leave for the store until 3:30. Nevermind that she knew I was expecting that we were going to the rec. center after work; that is why I bother to haul my workout clothes around with me. So, she starts psycho-dialing me about 4:30 while I have a manager in my office talking about how we’re going to train 50+ people on a huge amount of material. First, she calls my office. I don’t answer and she leaves a message. Then she calls my cell phone; I hit “Ignore” and continue my conversation. Then she calls my office line again to tell me that she’s just now getting out of the grocery store and either I’m going to be stuck at work, without any food, until she can come get me and we can go to the rec. center, or she just needs to pick me up.
O.K. I’m annoyed because, yet again, she’s disorganized and changing plans, but I can workout from home.
THEN, I get into the truck and there is no room to put my bags in the back because it’s full of groceries. She has a 4-door Chevy Trailblazer. I get in the front and stuff my bags at my feet while she’s on the phone, looking of the grocery receipt. It’s looks rather large to me. She tries to fold it up without handing it to me, but I took it and looked at the total:
$274 and change.
I am not broke, but it’s the end of the month. I have rent, a phone bill, an expensive new cell phone bill (the first ones are always a lot), a DSL bill, a cable bill, and a storage bill…all of which are due within the first week of the month. She knows this…and now I have an apartment that is overflowing with food. The freezer is full; the fridge is packed, the pantry is ridiculous; I’ve even got oranges sitting in the stairwell of my apartment because it’s cool there. I have 2 fucking heads of cauliflower; two heads of broccoli…two of every bloody thing you can imagine.
She spent $275 of MY money and has the fucking nerve to act like I don’t have a reason to be pissed at her STILL this morning. She thinks that just because she admits to be embarrassed and wants to laugh about it, that I’m just supposed to forgive and forget like a bloody fool over and over and over again.
UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!
I don’t like to make big decisions when I’m angry. As a rule, I don’t, but she is holding on by a bloody thread right now…a tattered thread. THIS is exactly the kind of shit that I put up with ALL THE TIME! Now you know why making the decision to leave her was one of the best days of my life.
I’m going away for the weekend and I’m going to think long and hard about this—don’t be surprised if I come back and tell her to go because there is a thin line between being patient and being played like a fool.
Let me be clear: I have paid off nearly $2500 of debt for her since she lost her job...and I did so happily. Some of it was mutual debt, some of it was hers that she had just recently accumulated since losing her job, and some of it was stuff that she’s had since years before we ever met. She also stays in my apartment. She pays no rent. She pays no utilities. She watches cable TV that I keep for her since I could easily go without it. She uses my computer, my DSL, my phone, etc. The only thing she has to help out with is the groceries.
In turn, I have semi-guaranteed access to her car on Monday…and any other time I need it when she doesn’t. I pay for the majority of the gas.
When she was finished making a fool of herself, I read her the riot act and told her that she had just spat in the face of the most generous and caring person she’s ever had in her life. She came to her senses and apologized.
That was LAST Wednesday. Fast forward to yesterday.
It was time to do some grocery shopping. Not big grocery shopping, but we needed perishables. She asked me to write her a list by noon. I did so and left my bank card for her since it was my turn to pay.
Can you see where this is going yet?
She didn’t leave for the store until 3:30. Nevermind that she knew I was expecting that we were going to the rec. center after work; that is why I bother to haul my workout clothes around with me. So, she starts psycho-dialing me about 4:30 while I have a manager in my office talking about how we’re going to train 50+ people on a huge amount of material. First, she calls my office. I don’t answer and she leaves a message. Then she calls my cell phone; I hit “Ignore” and continue my conversation. Then she calls my office line again to tell me that she’s just now getting out of the grocery store and either I’m going to be stuck at work, without any food, until she can come get me and we can go to the rec. center, or she just needs to pick me up.
O.K. I’m annoyed because, yet again, she’s disorganized and changing plans, but I can workout from home.
THEN, I get into the truck and there is no room to put my bags in the back because it’s full of groceries. She has a 4-door Chevy Trailblazer. I get in the front and stuff my bags at my feet while she’s on the phone, looking of the grocery receipt. It’s looks rather large to me. She tries to fold it up without handing it to me, but I took it and looked at the total:
$274 and change.
I am not broke, but it’s the end of the month. I have rent, a phone bill, an expensive new cell phone bill (the first ones are always a lot), a DSL bill, a cable bill, and a storage bill…all of which are due within the first week of the month. She knows this…and now I have an apartment that is overflowing with food. The freezer is full; the fridge is packed, the pantry is ridiculous; I’ve even got oranges sitting in the stairwell of my apartment because it’s cool there. I have 2 fucking heads of cauliflower; two heads of broccoli…two of every bloody thing you can imagine.
She spent $275 of MY money and has the fucking nerve to act like I don’t have a reason to be pissed at her STILL this morning. She thinks that just because she admits to be embarrassed and wants to laugh about it, that I’m just supposed to forgive and forget like a bloody fool over and over and over again.
UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!
I don’t like to make big decisions when I’m angry. As a rule, I don’t, but she is holding on by a bloody thread right now…a tattered thread. THIS is exactly the kind of shit that I put up with ALL THE TIME! Now you know why making the decision to leave her was one of the best days of my life.
I’m going away for the weekend and I’m going to think long and hard about this—don’t be surprised if I come back and tell her to go because there is a thin line between being patient and being played like a fool.
posted by trace at 9:20 AM
3 Comments:
The one time I broke up with someone and then tried to continue living with him, it really just didnt work out. That time in our relationship was far more ugly than any other part of it. Seriously.
But really, think about it. It is always harder being the one who is dumped. There are all kinds of feelings of insecurity it brings up and unless a person is *really* sure of themselves they will have some serious moments of doubt and insecurity. They might accuse the person who dumped them of not caring because being dumped feels like not caring. They might wonder if the person *ever* cared for them because sometimes it is hard to really grasp that a person can love another person and also know that person isnt right for them. There is often a lot of anger which is probably healthy for them because anger can be a good short term way to protect one's psyche in a kind of "sour grapes" sort of way. I have found that when I am going through the process of being dumped that I usually have a period where I am sometimes angry one minute and then really sad the next and maybe add some hopeful in there. Basically what I am saying is all of those feelings are normal but they are also ugly sometimes.
And those feelings can inspire some not so nice behavior. A person might say things when they are angry and then say very different things when they are sad or feeling hopeful. They might try to test the friendship since there are new boundaries and some of them not entirely clear. Like "can I spend almost $300 of her money at the grocery store?"
I strongly believe that my home has to be a sanctuary for me. I cannot function if it is not. It is one thing I insist upon. It doesnt sound to me like your home is that for you *or* for Mel.
What was she thinking?!!?? I agree with your friend Lynne...
I agree that anger is good and healthy.... however, for it to be truly healthy, one must exhibit some emotional health and self-awareness. The most important thing you can do, Trace, is to protect yourself. You are not obligated to her in any way.
That grocery thing is passive-aggressive bullshit. Guess you can't trust her with your card any longer.
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