The Chivalrous Giver

I had an interesting, albeit short, conversation with a friend yesterday about gift-giving. While I don’t know if she’s a gift-giver herself, I do know that she’s not a very graceful gift-receiver.

I think it’s just a put-on, though. I think she secretly like gifts and compliments, but I would NEVER call her out or anything. That would be...well...just too presumptious, I suppose. ;)

Seriously, one of my favorite things to do is to give someone a small, but thoughtful “just because” gift to surprise them. There is little outside of the bedroom and my books that make my soul feel better. Really. I can’t call it altruism, though, because I am often generous believing that it will come back to me in other positive ways. The true definition of altruism is good deeds with no hope or expectation of reciprocity.

So, does that mean that I am philanthropic? No, I don’t think so…at least not to any degree that would make me feel like that would be an appropriate description. I think it means that I am simply a giver.

But good old-fashioned chivalry plays a LARGE part in that, honestly.

Take last night for an example when I went out with a female friend. These are the things that I find myself doing to feminine friends and lovers alike without having to even think about it:

• I always open a door for a woman, whether I know her or not doesn’t matter
• I always defer to the women in my party (whether they are friend or lover) when it comes to making a decision about food or drink or what movie to see unless they insist that I choose
• When a server asks to take our order, I always let the other women in my party go first
• When walking and the sidewalk narrows so there is only room for a single file, I always stop and let a lady go first
• When walking toward a woman on the sidewalk, if there is not enough room for me to pass next to her without invading her space, I will always step off in the grass, the mud, the gutter, whatever as long as it won’t hurt me
• I’ll always volunteer to carry the heavy stuff or be the one to go get something
• I’ll always walk a woman to her car or to her door to make sure she gets there safely
• I’ll usually, but not always, open a car door for a woman if I’m driving
• I’ll always kill a bug on demand
• I’ll always light a woman’s cigarette if I’ve got a lighter on me
• If I’ve got smokes on me, she can have all she wants
• I’ll usually offer to pick up the tab if I’m out with just a solitary woman; the only time I don’t is when I know my companion can afford it easier than I can—but that person has to be a very good friend (basically like family) before I’ll slide the check her way
• When sending flowers to a woman I’ve got designs on, I refuse to spend less than $50 (per arrangement) and I’ve been known to send flowers two days in a row just to make all the other women at her workplace jealous
• If I think a woman is beautiful or something about her looks good, I will tell her so to her face, several times if need be until she hears and believes me

The only time I don’t do some of the things for friends are when I know that my friends/lover would take offense or think I’m ridiculous. If it only makes them slightly uncomfortable, but only because they don’t know their own self-worth, I won’t let that stop me.

There are some things that I don’t like to do though and will happily defer to someone better suited for the job, regardless of gender:

• I don’t like complaining about bad service; hate it! I’d much rather sit back and watch someone else do it. The same goes for the phone.
• I don’t like calling for take out; I’ll go pick it up, but I’d rather someone else call
• I don’t like being the only one who will do things like take out the garbage, replace burnt out light bulbs, tighten screws and door knobs, and clean the cat box and puke. – Speaking of, what did I wake up to this morning: cat puke.

I think all of that makes me a chivalrous giver. And even though it may seem stereotypical, stupid, or over the top, that’s just me. I do those things either because I like to, or they’re second nature to me.

But I only do them when I’m feeling like Trace…not that downtrodden person I was for the last year and a half.

Last night I really felt like Trace again. Old friends who fit like old favorite hats are good for that—they help you remember who you are, where you come from, and what you really believe in when there’s no time for bullshit small-talk.

I’m a talker, but a lot of people think I’m quiet…and it’s because small-talk and me mix like oil and water.

Anyway, it was so nice to see you, T-Knocks! Thank you for your genuineness and personal integrity. You are such a gem and a true friend. XOX – Trace Cock (no, that’s not a typo; it’s my porn star name, silly)